Joy, Rapture and Kids in Restaurants

Restaurants are going to have children in them. There is no way around this. Families are the bread and butter of restaurants and this may shock you but most servers don't like serving families.

Its not because your children are bad, usually they're as good as gold. A little loud... but good as gold...

Its not because your children leave a mess around the table. They do... but usually the busser will clean that up so the server isn't too put out by it.

Its not because your children have a limited palette and will only eat certain foods. I've served adults that are fussier than children and no one at the table is able to tell them "You'll eat it or you won't get any dessert."

No, its none of these reasons that servers don't like serving families. In fact usually it has nothing to do with the kids. Its the parents. Parents are often the bane of a server's existance.

There seems to be an inconsistency in the parents' actions and expectations that is overly pronounced when they are in a restaurant. And for all the parents out there I'm going to show you some of the things that you do that seems a little off to us.

Parents drill into their kids heads not to talk to strangers. From an early age kids are told that talking to strangers can be dangerous. Children should be seen and not heard. But as soon as a child is old enough to speak parents seem to want to show that off. If your child is told repeatedly not to talk to strangers and you tell your child to tell the nice man (or woman) (your server, who your child has never met) what they want, of course they aren't going to speak. I'm a stranger and only there are good strangers and bad strangers, your child doesn't know which one I am and of course is going to be shy around me. Save all of us time and just order for your child.

Manners are important in a civilized culture. And children are taught from an early age to use "Please" and Thank You" went they want something. This is great but sometimes they forget, it happens. And although its great that you are gently reminding them about the use of their manners, please don't forget your own. Alot of the time ten seconds after parents remind their child (who may have ild to use Please and Thank You, the parent will order and not say Please and Thank You. Children learn by example and you've just shown that you don't practice what you preach.

I always try to make sure that any kids at the table get their food before the adults so that the adults can start the feeeding process. Kids sometimes eat slower then the adults and usually the parents appreciate this but remember that parenting is still your job. If your child is done and you still are eating you still have to parent. At home when your child is done eating they can get up from the table and wander around the familiar surronding of your home. Restaurants are public places and if you allow your child to wander they will disturb other guests or possibly get hurt by being underfoot. Or the other side of that coin, if they are forced to remain seated, the whining and anger starts. And usually its not the kids who are whiny and angry... its the adults. If your child is bored and figetty, don't be stern with them. They are bored. Sometimes you have to be the adult and get what's left of your food to go. Or one of the adults has to entertain the kids.

And of course there is that all important reason why servers aren't usually excited to serve families... Tips are lousy. We understand that its expensive to take your family out to a restaurant. But you made the decision to enter a sit down restaurant. There are plenty of fast food places that you could have eaten at and you chose to eat at a place where you are being served. Don't punish your server who makes less than minimum wage by not tipping them. When we see a family sit down, we're not expecting 20 % for a tip but don't give us 10 % either. You've just had a night out where someone else is responsible for the clean up. Make sure that soneone is rewarded for cleaning up after you.

Restaurants appreciate family's business. If they didn't there wouldn't be a children's menu available. But servers cringe at the idea of serving families. And its not because of the kids. Usually its because of the parents.

But that's just the view from my side of the menu.