Joy, Rapture and the "Has it really been almost a decade?"
For the first time in nine years I haven't been restaurant management or owner.
It may be time to restart the blog.
Maybe.
Monday, April 15, 2019
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Joy, Rapture and Weird Customers Part 1
Hello all. Its been awhile since I've updated and that's not fair to the loyal readers so its time to get back on track. Figured the best way to do this is to tell you stories about certain customers that have made a lasting impression with me over the years.
Today's tale: Duck Lady.
Some of the weird customer that I've dealt with.... no, most of the weird customers that I've dealt with over the years... haven't really had a choice in being weird. They weren't all there to begin with. Take for example Pasquale or as she was known at the restaurant: The Duck Lady.
Pasquale would come in nearly everyday for the breakfast special. And she was a pleasant enough lady but she had a slight quirk. She had a stuffed toy of a duck that she would bring with her and place on her table. At first it seemed weird but not crazy. But then she started talking to it. And trying to feed it food from her plate. And at one point she even ordered a meal for the duck. It was a kid's meal and only costed 3$ so I didn't argue with her about it. I mean, it was her money so I wouldn't tell her how to spend it.... no matter how crazy it seemed. I even packed it up for her when her duck couldn't finish the meal. I guess he was too stuffed to eat anymore....
When D.L. would pay for her breakfast she always paid by credit card. Her meal totalled $3.19 with the taxes and she would tip 25 cents. Every server would complain about the fact she tipped a quarter but as much as I tried to explain to them that she was giving a tip amount equal to the taxes on the bill which is what she should give as an acceptable tip if the bill was higher. So in her eyes, I'm sure she thought she was giving a decent tip.
The weirdest day with D.L. was the day she came in and was wearing a military uniform. When I approached her table, I glanced at her nametag. Since she paid by credit card everytime, I knew her last name so wanted to make sure the uniform was actually hers. The nametag was the same as hers and the uniform looked as if it fit properly so it must have been hers. This both scared me and made me a bit sad. At some point she was normal enough to pass some sort of psych test. And now she was buying breakfast for a stuffed toy.
And one day Pasquale just disappeared. She didn't come in for breakfast one day, and then another day, and then a third day. And then like two weeks later one of my co-workers asked: "Have you seen Duck Lady lately?" and I realized I hadn't. Its been almost three years since I've seen her. Hopefully she got some help. Or something.
Today's tale: Duck Lady.
Some of the weird customer that I've dealt with.... no, most of the weird customers that I've dealt with over the years... haven't really had a choice in being weird. They weren't all there to begin with. Take for example Pasquale or as she was known at the restaurant: The Duck Lady.
Pasquale would come in nearly everyday for the breakfast special. And she was a pleasant enough lady but she had a slight quirk. She had a stuffed toy of a duck that she would bring with her and place on her table. At first it seemed weird but not crazy. But then she started talking to it. And trying to feed it food from her plate. And at one point she even ordered a meal for the duck. It was a kid's meal and only costed 3$ so I didn't argue with her about it. I mean, it was her money so I wouldn't tell her how to spend it.... no matter how crazy it seemed. I even packed it up for her when her duck couldn't finish the meal. I guess he was too stuffed to eat anymore....
When D.L. would pay for her breakfast she always paid by credit card. Her meal totalled $3.19 with the taxes and she would tip 25 cents. Every server would complain about the fact she tipped a quarter but as much as I tried to explain to them that she was giving a tip amount equal to the taxes on the bill which is what she should give as an acceptable tip if the bill was higher. So in her eyes, I'm sure she thought she was giving a decent tip.
The weirdest day with D.L. was the day she came in and was wearing a military uniform. When I approached her table, I glanced at her nametag. Since she paid by credit card everytime, I knew her last name so wanted to make sure the uniform was actually hers. The nametag was the same as hers and the uniform looked as if it fit properly so it must have been hers. This both scared me and made me a bit sad. At some point she was normal enough to pass some sort of psych test. And now she was buying breakfast for a stuffed toy.
And one day Pasquale just disappeared. She didn't come in for breakfast one day, and then another day, and then a third day. And then like two weeks later one of my co-workers asked: "Have you seen Duck Lady lately?" and I realized I hadn't. Its been almost three years since I've seen her. Hopefully she got some help. Or something.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Joy, Rapture and its been too long since I've updated.
Sorry folks. I have been lax in my updates. So this I vow, I shall be back after the Easter holiday with regular updates and stories. Lots has happened in my career since last we spoke and so I have more stories for you.
Patience will lead to entertainment..... I hope!
Patience will lead to entertainment..... I hope!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Joy, Rapture and the Day in the Life of a Server Part 2
Its 7 am and both a hostess and another server have started.
A few more tables come in. The majority of people just want to eat. They don't want to make conversation and they don't complain about the food or where they are sitting or how its horrible that they feel forced to eat three eggs.
With two servers on, the sitting should be one table in my section and one table in the other server's section and back and forth until we have about even numbers of customers. Sometimes one of us will get sat more than one table in a row (people wanting a booth or to sit by the window) but at the end of the hour we should have sold about the same. The trouble is sometimes you get a server working with you who decides that they need to make more money than usual this day... or they were out drinking the night before and don't want to deal with customers this morning. Luckily today we're on an level playing field.
Just before 8 am, a table of 2 sits in my section. The couple is looking at their menus when I approach and say:" Good Morning, would I be able to start you off with something to drink? A juice? Or a coffee?" Now one thing you may not know about the human auditory system... its flawed. Especially at 8 in the morning... before your first jolt of caffeine. People will 9 times out of 10 hear the last thing said to them and that is it. Any words in the sentence before that will not be heard at all. So this lovely couple ( who I'm sure outside of a restaurant are quite intelligent) only heard the following word of my greeting: "Coffee?". So their response, while correct for what they heard, irks me beyond belief. The man looks up to me and politely says: "Yes."
I've done this thousands of times before so I know he only heard "Coffee" so I know that's what he wants. I turn to the woman and say: "Would I be able to start you off with something to drink?" She looks at me and says:"I'll have the same." (Which is amazing because technically nothing was ordered.)
I pour two coffees and go back to the table. Placing the coffees in front of the customers I smile and ask: "Do you need a moment?"
"I'll have a veterinarian omelet and a Sesame Street bagel please," the lady says.
"Sure," I reply, trying not to let my laughing leave my eyes. "And for you sir?"
"I'll have the big breakfast with Dippy Eggs and sausage." (Dippy eggs are just that, eggs you can dip your toast in.)
"And what kind of toast would you like sir?" (For some reason, this question leads to insulted looks from most customers... I'd love to know what they hear.)
"Excuse me?", he responds.
"What kind of toast would you like with that sir? White or brown?"
"Oh, sorry! Yes, please."
"Okay, so yes to toast. But what kind would you like, sir?"
"Oh, brown please..... (again, only hearing the last thing he was asked.) Unless you have whole wheat."
"The brown bread is whole wheat sir."
"Then perfect. I'll have that."
I take their menus and go to the computer to place their order. Punching the order in takes no more than 30 seconds. I turn and check out my section and the Dippy eggs man is trying to get my attention. I go over to the table to see what is up (mostly wondering if I have to change something on their order) and he tells me he'd like a refill on coffee. He's had the cup for less than two minutes and already looking for a refill.
I tell him that I have a new pot brewing and that I'll be around with some coffee as soon as its ready. (Complete lie! I always tell people this. I only like to refill coffees after I take the food to the table. It makes it easier for me to know who has and hasn't had a refill.)
About three minutes later or so, the orders are up and dropped off to the table. Coffees are refilled. Bills are dropped at other tables. Bills are paid and customers are on their merry ways.
The rest of the morning goes by without a glitch. That is until 11..... when the Boss comes in.
It doesn't matter what kind of restaurant you work in, the Boss is crazy. Something about Restaurant Ownership. It either attracts the crazies or makes the sane one (and yes, I meant to use the singular there) crazy. Don't get me wrong. I have the utmost respect for anyone who has the drive and patience to own a restaurant. But my goodness, why are they all nuts?
Something about the air in a restaurant changes when the Boss arrives. There is an underlying tension that appears out of nowhere. Servers who were completely calm mere moments ago are now making sure that they have a rag in their hand so it looks like they've been busy cleaning their sections.
The morning progresses. Tables are served. Bills are paid. Money is made. And then, the lunch rush occurs....
A few more tables come in. The majority of people just want to eat. They don't want to make conversation and they don't complain about the food or where they are sitting or how its horrible that they feel forced to eat three eggs.
With two servers on, the sitting should be one table in my section and one table in the other server's section and back and forth until we have about even numbers of customers. Sometimes one of us will get sat more than one table in a row (people wanting a booth or to sit by the window) but at the end of the hour we should have sold about the same. The trouble is sometimes you get a server working with you who decides that they need to make more money than usual this day... or they were out drinking the night before and don't want to deal with customers this morning. Luckily today we're on an level playing field.
Just before 8 am, a table of 2 sits in my section. The couple is looking at their menus when I approach and say:" Good Morning, would I be able to start you off with something to drink? A juice? Or a coffee?" Now one thing you may not know about the human auditory system... its flawed. Especially at 8 in the morning... before your first jolt of caffeine. People will 9 times out of 10 hear the last thing said to them and that is it. Any words in the sentence before that will not be heard at all. So this lovely couple ( who I'm sure outside of a restaurant are quite intelligent) only heard the following word of my greeting: "Coffee?". So their response, while correct for what they heard, irks me beyond belief. The man looks up to me and politely says: "Yes."
I've done this thousands of times before so I know he only heard "Coffee" so I know that's what he wants. I turn to the woman and say: "Would I be able to start you off with something to drink?" She looks at me and says:"I'll have the same." (Which is amazing because technically nothing was ordered.)
I pour two coffees and go back to the table. Placing the coffees in front of the customers I smile and ask: "Do you need a moment?"
"I'll have a veterinarian omelet and a Sesame Street bagel please," the lady says.
"Sure," I reply, trying not to let my laughing leave my eyes. "And for you sir?"
"I'll have the big breakfast with Dippy Eggs and sausage." (Dippy eggs are just that, eggs you can dip your toast in.)
"And what kind of toast would you like sir?" (For some reason, this question leads to insulted looks from most customers... I'd love to know what they hear.)
"Excuse me?", he responds.
"What kind of toast would you like with that sir? White or brown?"
"Oh, sorry! Yes, please."
"Okay, so yes to toast. But what kind would you like, sir?"
"Oh, brown please..... (again, only hearing the last thing he was asked.) Unless you have whole wheat."
"The brown bread is whole wheat sir."
"Then perfect. I'll have that."
I take their menus and go to the computer to place their order. Punching the order in takes no more than 30 seconds. I turn and check out my section and the Dippy eggs man is trying to get my attention. I go over to the table to see what is up (mostly wondering if I have to change something on their order) and he tells me he'd like a refill on coffee. He's had the cup for less than two minutes and already looking for a refill.
I tell him that I have a new pot brewing and that I'll be around with some coffee as soon as its ready. (Complete lie! I always tell people this. I only like to refill coffees after I take the food to the table. It makes it easier for me to know who has and hasn't had a refill.)
About three minutes later or so, the orders are up and dropped off to the table. Coffees are refilled. Bills are dropped at other tables. Bills are paid and customers are on their merry ways.
The rest of the morning goes by without a glitch. That is until 11..... when the Boss comes in.
It doesn't matter what kind of restaurant you work in, the Boss is crazy. Something about Restaurant Ownership. It either attracts the crazies or makes the sane one (and yes, I meant to use the singular there) crazy. Don't get me wrong. I have the utmost respect for anyone who has the drive and patience to own a restaurant. But my goodness, why are they all nuts?
Something about the air in a restaurant changes when the Boss arrives. There is an underlying tension that appears out of nowhere. Servers who were completely calm mere moments ago are now making sure that they have a rag in their hand so it looks like they've been busy cleaning their sections.
The morning progresses. Tables are served. Bills are paid. Money is made. And then, the lunch rush occurs....
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Joy, Rapture and the Day in the Life of a Server Part 1
The problem with working in a breakfast place is that breakfast is usually super early in the day. Which means my shift starts super early in the day. I'm going to let you into a Day as a server. This is a compilation of events. These did not all happen the same day, but have happened enough times that it could've been during the same day. Enjoy!
5:15 am: The alarm goes off. Again. For the 3rd time. Why is it so hard to get up at 5:15 in the morning? Its not like I went to bed at 1 am..... Oh, wait! I did go to bed at 1 am.... Stumble out of bed and head to the shower. Hopefully the blast of water will wake me up enough to start my day.... After all, I'm serving breakfast and if I don't bring those eggs to your tables.... well, someone else will and they'll get the tip and how does that help me at all?
5:35 am: The three S's are done and the day is ready to begin. Time to get dressed and get getting on. Uniform on and float, apron and pens ready to go. Quick stop at a coffee shop that will remain anonymous but does rhyme with Bim Bortons and off to work.
5:55 am: Technically I'm suppose to be at work fifteen minutes before the start of my shift in case I need to stock something or such, but sadly, although its a rule, it feels just like a suggestion most days so as long as I'm signed in before the time on the schedule, I think I'm doing a good job.
6:00 am: Start a new pot of coffee. Go to newspaper box and purchase papers. Enjoy my Bim Bortons coffee while the restaurants coffee brews. Wait for first customer of the day.
6:25 am: First customer walks in. Walks right past me and the sign that says Please Wait to be Seated. I sigh and follow him to his seat with a menu. "Good Morning, how are you this morning?" I say in my waiter's voice (which actually frightens people who know me) and get the only logical response to good morning: Coffee! I place the menu down in front of him and shuffle off like a good servant... wait, server! That's what I am a server... not a servant. Sorry, got confused there.
Like a good servan... sorry, server.... I bring the coffee over and place it in front of the customer. He tells me that he wants the breakfast special. I again sigh (but internally so the customer doesn't hear it) and explain that the special is Monday to Friday (excluding holidays) and that we have the Big Breakfast available right now. I then point to the menu to show him, feeling just like I'm sure Vanna White does, and asks if he needs a moment. He looks at the menu and tells me quite sternly that he couldn't possibly eat three eggs. (At this point I think about the note that I've written to myself and that is tucked neatly in my server's wallet that says : I don't care if you can't eat three eggs.) I explain that he can get the breakfast with two eggs if he wishes but it'll still cost the same. Meanwhile 3 or 4 regular customers have come in and taken their regular seats. I nod to acknowledge that I've seen them and that I'll bring them their coffees shortly (as soon as Coffee Man has decided what he's having.) He grunts that he'll just have toast and practically thrusts the menu at me. I go to the tables that the regulars are at and ask if they are having their usuals. I then punch the orders into the computer. Couple of moments later, I hear the ding of the bell and see my orders are ready. I deliver them, stopping to grab the coffee pot on the way. That way I can refill coffees as soon as the food arrives and cut down the number of trips to the table. Mr. . Coffee and Toast Man, who couldn't possibly eat 3 eggs has a full coffee cup so doesn't need a refill at this point. I go and chat with the regulars and catch up. About a minute or so goes by and I hear someone clearing their throat. I look over and Mr. Coffee and Toast, who couldn't possibly eat 3 eggs and my cup is full so I don't need a refill right now has finished his cup and is shaking it at me to let me know he wants more. Like a good servant.... sorry, server... I go over and refill his coffee. I ask him how everything is and he mumbles something about it being alright. Next trip around I ask if he would like anything else and drop the bill when he says No. The total of the bill for coffee and toast $3.97. While I'm wiping down the tables the regulars were at and resetting them, he gets up and heads out. I ask if he needs any change and he says No. I thank him and head to the table to get his payment. I pick up the two toonies and two quarters and mumble something about his mother and the fact his parents weren't married when he was born and wipe down his table. Its 7 am.
5:15 am: The alarm goes off. Again. For the 3rd time. Why is it so hard to get up at 5:15 in the morning? Its not like I went to bed at 1 am..... Oh, wait! I did go to bed at 1 am.... Stumble out of bed and head to the shower. Hopefully the blast of water will wake me up enough to start my day.... After all, I'm serving breakfast and if I don't bring those eggs to your tables.... well, someone else will and they'll get the tip and how does that help me at all?
5:35 am: The three S's are done and the day is ready to begin. Time to get dressed and get getting on. Uniform on and float, apron and pens ready to go. Quick stop at a coffee shop that will remain anonymous but does rhyme with Bim Bortons and off to work.
5:55 am: Technically I'm suppose to be at work fifteen minutes before the start of my shift in case I need to stock something or such, but sadly, although its a rule, it feels just like a suggestion most days so as long as I'm signed in before the time on the schedule, I think I'm doing a good job.
6:00 am: Start a new pot of coffee. Go to newspaper box and purchase papers. Enjoy my Bim Bortons coffee while the restaurants coffee brews. Wait for first customer of the day.
6:25 am: First customer walks in. Walks right past me and the sign that says Please Wait to be Seated. I sigh and follow him to his seat with a menu. "Good Morning, how are you this morning?" I say in my waiter's voice (which actually frightens people who know me) and get the only logical response to good morning: Coffee! I place the menu down in front of him and shuffle off like a good servant... wait, server! That's what I am a server... not a servant. Sorry, got confused there.
Like a good servan... sorry, server.... I bring the coffee over and place it in front of the customer. He tells me that he wants the breakfast special. I again sigh (but internally so the customer doesn't hear it) and explain that the special is Monday to Friday (excluding holidays) and that we have the Big Breakfast available right now. I then point to the menu to show him, feeling just like I'm sure Vanna White does, and asks if he needs a moment. He looks at the menu and tells me quite sternly that he couldn't possibly eat three eggs. (At this point I think about the note that I've written to myself and that is tucked neatly in my server's wallet that says : I don't care if you can't eat three eggs.) I explain that he can get the breakfast with two eggs if he wishes but it'll still cost the same. Meanwhile 3 or 4 regular customers have come in and taken their regular seats. I nod to acknowledge that I've seen them and that I'll bring them their coffees shortly (as soon as Coffee Man has decided what he's having.) He grunts that he'll just have toast and practically thrusts the menu at me. I go to the tables that the regulars are at and ask if they are having their usuals. I then punch the orders into the computer. Couple of moments later, I hear the ding of the bell and see my orders are ready. I deliver them, stopping to grab the coffee pot on the way. That way I can refill coffees as soon as the food arrives and cut down the number of trips to the table. Mr. . Coffee and Toast Man, who couldn't possibly eat 3 eggs has a full coffee cup so doesn't need a refill at this point. I go and chat with the regulars and catch up. About a minute or so goes by and I hear someone clearing their throat. I look over and Mr. Coffee and Toast, who couldn't possibly eat 3 eggs and my cup is full so I don't need a refill right now has finished his cup and is shaking it at me to let me know he wants more. Like a good servant.... sorry, server... I go over and refill his coffee. I ask him how everything is and he mumbles something about it being alright. Next trip around I ask if he would like anything else and drop the bill when he says No. The total of the bill for coffee and toast $3.97. While I'm wiping down the tables the regulars were at and resetting them, he gets up and heads out. I ask if he needs any change and he says No. I thank him and head to the table to get his payment. I pick up the two toonies and two quarters and mumble something about his mother and the fact his parents weren't married when he was born and wipe down his table. Its 7 am.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Joy, Rapture and the month of No Updates
So I've been harrassed by fans that I haven't been updating the blog as much as they would like me to and I apologize. I didn't realize that I would have even a little bit of a fan base so I promise to try harder to update for you.
This blog started out as a lark but I see potential for great change.... well, great stories anyway.
Starting with the next entry...... Joy, Rapture and the Day in the Life of a Server.
In the meantime, I will tell one stupid customer story.
When I was working at Swiss Chalet I escorted a couple to their table. (Actually their booth, for some reason people insist on sitting in a booth when in a restaurant and will give you any and all reasons/ excuses on why they have to sit in the booth.)
After telling them about the Special, I asked them if they wanted to start off with an appetizer. The wife turned to me and said: "I'm not a big fan of bread, would I like the garlic loaf?" I blinked twice (my personal code for WTF_) and said: "Well, its mainly bread so odds are if you're a big fan of bread, you won' t be a fan of the Garlic Loaf." They decided to get the perogies instead.
This blog started out as a lark but I see potential for great change.... well, great stories anyway.
Starting with the next entry...... Joy, Rapture and the Day in the Life of a Server.
In the meantime, I will tell one stupid customer story.
When I was working at Swiss Chalet I escorted a couple to their table. (Actually their booth, for some reason people insist on sitting in a booth when in a restaurant and will give you any and all reasons/ excuses on why they have to sit in the booth.)
After telling them about the Special, I asked them if they wanted to start off with an appetizer. The wife turned to me and said: "I'm not a big fan of bread, would I like the garlic loaf?" I blinked twice (my personal code for WTF_) and said: "Well, its mainly bread so odds are if you're a big fan of bread, you won' t be a fan of the Garlic Loaf." They decided to get the perogies instead.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Joy, Rapture and the "Oh... just one more thing" customers.
I serve for a living. This isn't a job for me, its how I pay for my mortgage, for my hobbies, for my food and clothing, for all my expenses. And as such, I have to respect the people who pay my way. And I don't mean my employer, I'll always respect my employer! I mean the people who tip me so I make more than minimum wage.
That being said it is with the utmost respect to all customers when I tell you about a server's biggest pet peeve. The "Oh, just one more thing" customer.
Every server has served one of these people. And we hate them. Perhaps hate is not the right word! We despise them! This is the person who always needs one more thing. When you bring them their coffee, they need sweetener. When you bring their breakfast, they need marmalade. When you offer to refill their coffee, they want a glass of water. When you bring them a cookie, they want a glass of milk! Oh, wait... that's a mouse, not a customer... never mind!
These customers suck the servers time and energy out of them. For every one trip the server makes to another table, they make three trips to this table. These customers are beyond needy and although they say they appreciate the effort that the server is making to help them, it is hardly ever shown in the tip. The "Oh... just one more thing" customers are notorious for tipping around 10 % but telling their server how much they enjoyed the service.
If you are one of those people, please... for the love of God and all things holy.... adjust the way you behave in a restaurant. Your server is busy and while they want to provide the best possible service for you, they also have other customers who deserve to have exceptional service as well. Let me put it this way. If you were at your job and you had to do a task for your boss and when you thought you were completed the task, your boss decided to tack another thing onto your job what would your reaction be? Its the same thing when you make your server make multiple trips to your table. If you are missing something, let them know everything you need so they only have to make one trip. And reward them for good service. 15% is a polite tip but if your server is making more than three trips to your table, 20% is better. Reward for a job overdone.
But that's just the view from my side of the menu.
That being said it is with the utmost respect to all customers when I tell you about a server's biggest pet peeve. The "Oh, just one more thing" customer.
Every server has served one of these people. And we hate them. Perhaps hate is not the right word! We despise them! This is the person who always needs one more thing. When you bring them their coffee, they need sweetener. When you bring their breakfast, they need marmalade. When you offer to refill their coffee, they want a glass of water. When you bring them a cookie, they want a glass of milk! Oh, wait... that's a mouse, not a customer... never mind!
These customers suck the servers time and energy out of them. For every one trip the server makes to another table, they make three trips to this table. These customers are beyond needy and although they say they appreciate the effort that the server is making to help them, it is hardly ever shown in the tip. The "Oh... just one more thing" customers are notorious for tipping around 10 % but telling their server how much they enjoyed the service.
If you are one of those people, please... for the love of God and all things holy.... adjust the way you behave in a restaurant. Your server is busy and while they want to provide the best possible service for you, they also have other customers who deserve to have exceptional service as well. Let me put it this way. If you were at your job and you had to do a task for your boss and when you thought you were completed the task, your boss decided to tack another thing onto your job what would your reaction be? Its the same thing when you make your server make multiple trips to your table. If you are missing something, let them know everything you need so they only have to make one trip. And reward them for good service. 15% is a polite tip but if your server is making more than three trips to your table, 20% is better. Reward for a job overdone.
But that's just the view from my side of the menu.
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