Joy, Rapture and the Day in the Life of a Server Part 2

Its 7 am and both a hostess and another server have started.

A few more tables come in. The majority of people just want to eat. They don't want to make conversation and they don't complain about the food or where they are sitting or how its horrible that they feel forced to eat three eggs.

With two servers on, the sitting should be one table in my section and one table in the other server's section and back and forth until we have about even numbers of customers. Sometimes one of us will get sat more than one table in a row (people wanting a booth or to sit by the window) but at the end of the hour we should have sold about the same. The trouble is sometimes you get a server working with you who decides that they need to make more money than usual this day... or they were out drinking the night before and don't want to deal with customers this morning. Luckily today we're on an level playing field.

Just before 8 am, a table of 2 sits in my section. The couple is looking at their menus when I approach and say:" Good Morning, would I be able to start you off with something to drink? A juice? Or a coffee?" Now one thing you may not know about the human auditory system... its flawed. Especially at 8 in the morning... before your first jolt of caffeine. People will 9 times out of 10 hear the last thing said to them and that is it. Any words in the sentence before that will not be heard at all. So this lovely couple ( who I'm sure outside of a restaurant are quite intelligent) only heard the following word of my greeting: "Coffee?". So their response, while correct for what they heard, irks me beyond belief. The man looks up to me and politely says: "Yes."

I've done this thousands of times before so I know he only heard "Coffee" so I know that's what he wants. I turn to the woman and say: "Would I be able to start you off with something to drink?" She looks at me and says:"I'll have the same." (Which is amazing because technically nothing was ordered.)

I pour two coffees and go back to the table. Placing the coffees in front of the customers I smile and ask: "Do you need a moment?"

"I'll have a veterinarian omelet and a Sesame Street bagel please," the lady says.

"Sure," I reply, trying not to let my laughing leave my eyes. "And for you sir?"

"I'll have the big breakfast with Dippy Eggs and sausage." (Dippy eggs are just that, eggs you can dip your toast in.)

"And what kind of toast would you like sir?" (For some reason, this question leads to insulted looks from most customers... I'd love to know what they hear.)

"Excuse me?", he responds.

"What kind of toast would you like with that sir? White or brown?"

"Oh, sorry! Yes, please."

"Okay, so yes to toast. But what kind would you like, sir?"

"Oh, brown please..... (again, only hearing the last thing he was asked.) Unless you have whole wheat."

"The brown bread is whole wheat sir."

"Then perfect. I'll have that."

I take their menus and go to the computer to place their order. Punching the order in takes no more than 30 seconds. I turn and check out my section and the Dippy eggs man is trying to get my attention. I go over to the table to see what is up (mostly wondering if I have to change something on their order) and he tells me he'd like a refill on coffee. He's had the cup for less than two minutes and already looking for a refill.

I tell him that I have a new pot brewing and that I'll be around with some coffee as soon as its ready. (Complete lie! I always tell people this. I only like to refill coffees after I take the food to the table. It makes it easier for me to know who has and hasn't had a refill.)

About three minutes later or so, the orders are up and dropped off to the table. Coffees are refilled. Bills are dropped at other tables. Bills are paid and customers are on their merry ways.

The rest of the morning goes by without a glitch. That is until 11..... when the Boss comes in.

It doesn't matter what kind of restaurant you work in, the Boss is crazy. Something about Restaurant Ownership. It either attracts the crazies or makes the sane one (and yes, I meant to use the singular there) crazy. Don't get me wrong. I have the utmost respect for anyone who has the drive and patience to own a restaurant. But my goodness, why are they all nuts?

Something about the air in a restaurant changes when the Boss arrives. There is an underlying tension that appears out of nowhere. Servers who were completely calm mere moments ago are now making sure that they have a rag in their hand so it looks like they've been busy cleaning their sections.

The morning progresses. Tables are served. Bills are paid. Money is made. And then, the lunch rush occurs....

Joy, Rapture and the Day in the Life of a Server Part 1

The problem with working in a breakfast place is that breakfast is usually super early in the day. Which means my shift starts super early in the day. I'm going to let you into a Day as a server. This is a compilation of events. These did not all happen the same day, but have happened enough times that it could've been during the same day. Enjoy!


5:15 am: The alarm goes off. Again. For the 3rd time. Why is it so hard to get up at 5:15 in the morning? Its not like I went to bed at 1 am..... Oh, wait! I did go to bed at 1 am.... Stumble out of bed and head to the shower. Hopefully the blast of water will wake me up enough to start my day.... After all, I'm serving breakfast and if I don't bring those eggs to your tables.... well, someone else will and they'll get the tip and how does that help me at all?

5:35 am: The three S's are done and the day is ready to begin. Time to get dressed and get getting on. Uniform on and float, apron and pens ready to go. Quick stop at a coffee shop that will remain anonymous but does rhyme with Bim Bortons and off to work.

5:55 am: Technically I'm suppose to be at work fifteen minutes before the start of my shift in case I need to stock something or such, but sadly, although its a rule, it feels just like a suggestion most days so as long as I'm signed in before the time on the schedule, I think I'm doing a good job.

6:00 am: Start a new pot of coffee. Go to newspaper box and purchase papers. Enjoy my Bim Bortons coffee while the restaurants coffee brews. Wait for first customer of the day.

6:25 am: First customer walks in. Walks right past me and the sign that says Please Wait to be Seated. I sigh and follow him to his seat with a menu. "Good Morning, how are you this morning?" I say in my waiter's voice (which actually frightens people who know me) and get the only logical response to good morning: Coffee! I place the menu down in front of him and shuffle off like a good servant... wait, server! That's what I am a server... not a servant. Sorry, got confused there.
Like a good servan... sorry, server.... I bring the coffee over and place it in front of the customer. He tells me that he wants the breakfast special. I again sigh (but internally so the customer doesn't hear it) and explain that the special is Monday to Friday (excluding holidays) and that we have the Big Breakfast available right now. I then point to the menu to show him, feeling just like I'm sure Vanna White does, and asks if he needs a moment. He looks at the menu and tells me quite sternly that he couldn't possibly eat three eggs. (At this point I think about the note that I've written to myself and that is tucked neatly in my server's wallet that says : I don't care if you can't eat three eggs.) I explain that he can get the breakfast with two eggs if he wishes but it'll still cost the same. Meanwhile 3 or 4 regular customers have come in and taken their regular seats. I nod to acknowledge that I've seen them and that I'll bring them their coffees shortly (as soon as Coffee Man has decided what he's having.) He grunts that he'll just have toast and practically thrusts the menu at me. I go to the tables that the regulars are at and ask if they are having their usuals. I then punch the orders into the computer. Couple of moments later, I hear the ding of the bell and see my orders are ready. I deliver them, stopping to grab the coffee pot on the way. That way I can refill coffees as soon as the food arrives and cut down the number of trips to the table. Mr. . Coffee and Toast Man, who couldn't possibly eat 3 eggs has a full coffee cup so doesn't need a refill at this point. I go and chat with the regulars and catch up. About a minute or so goes by and I hear someone clearing their throat. I look over and Mr. Coffee and Toast, who couldn't possibly eat 3 eggs and my cup is full so I don't need a refill right now has finished his cup and is shaking it at me to let me know he wants more. Like a good servant.... sorry, server... I go over and refill his coffee. I ask him how everything is and he mumbles something about it being alright. Next trip around I ask if he would like anything else and drop the bill when he says No. The total of the bill for coffee and toast $3.97. While I'm wiping down the tables the regulars were at and resetting them, he gets up and heads out. I ask if he needs any change and he says No. I thank him and head to the table to get his payment. I pick up the two toonies and two quarters and mumble something about his mother and the fact his parents weren't married when he was born and wipe down his table. Its 7 am.

Joy, Rapture and the month of No Updates

So I've been harrassed by fans that I haven't been updating the blog as much as they would like me to and I apologize. I didn't realize that I would have even a little bit of a fan base so I promise to try harder to update for you.

This blog started out as a lark but I see potential for great change.... well, great stories anyway.

Starting with the next entry...... Joy, Rapture and the Day in the Life of a Server.

In the meantime, I will tell one stupid customer story.

When I was working at Swiss Chalet I escorted a couple to their table. (Actually their booth, for some reason people insist on sitting in a booth when in a restaurant and will give you any and all reasons/ excuses on why they have to sit in the booth.)

After telling them about the Special, I asked them if they wanted to start off with an appetizer. The wife turned to me and said: "I'm not a big fan of bread, would I like the garlic loaf?" I blinked twice (my personal code for WTF_) and said: "Well, its mainly bread so odds are if you're a big fan of bread, you won' t be a fan of the Garlic Loaf." They decided to get the perogies instead.

Joy, Rapture and the "Oh... just one more thing" customers.

I serve for a living. This isn't a job for me, its how I pay for my mortgage, for my hobbies, for my food and clothing, for all my expenses. And as such, I have to respect the people who pay my way. And I don't mean my employer, I'll always respect my employer! I mean the people who tip me so I make more than minimum wage.

That being said it is with the utmost respect to all customers when I tell you about a server's biggest pet peeve. The "Oh, just one more thing" customer.

Every server has served one of these people. And we hate them. Perhaps hate is not the right word! We despise them! This is the person who always needs one more thing. When you bring them their coffee, they need sweetener. When you bring their breakfast, they need marmalade. When you offer to refill their coffee, they want a glass of water. When you bring them a cookie, they want a glass of milk! Oh, wait... that's a mouse, not a customer... never mind!

These customers suck the servers time and energy out of them. For every one trip the server makes to another table, they make three trips to this table. These customers are beyond needy and although they say they appreciate the effort that the server is making to help them, it is hardly ever shown in the tip. The "Oh... just one more thing" customers are notorious for tipping around 10 % but telling their server how much they enjoyed the service.

If you are one of those people, please... for the love of God and all things holy.... adjust the way you behave in a restaurant. Your server is busy and while they want to provide the best possible service for you, they also have other customers who deserve to have exceptional service as well. Let me put it this way. If you were at your job and you had to do a task for your boss and when you thought you were completed the task, your boss decided to tack another thing onto your job what would your reaction be? Its the same thing when you make your server make multiple trips to your table. If you are missing something, let them know everything you need so they only have to make one trip. And reward them for good service. 15% is a polite tip but if your server is making more than three trips to your table, 20% is better. Reward for a job overdone.

But that's just the view from my side of the menu.

Joy, Rapture and Kids in Restaurants

Restaurants are going to have children in them. There is no way around this. Families are the bread and butter of restaurants and this may shock you but most servers don't like serving families.

Its not because your children are bad, usually they're as good as gold. A little loud... but good as gold...

Its not because your children leave a mess around the table. They do... but usually the busser will clean that up so the server isn't too put out by it.

Its not because your children have a limited palette and will only eat certain foods. I've served adults that are fussier than children and no one at the table is able to tell them "You'll eat it or you won't get any dessert."

No, its none of these reasons that servers don't like serving families. In fact usually it has nothing to do with the kids. Its the parents. Parents are often the bane of a server's existance.

There seems to be an inconsistency in the parents' actions and expectations that is overly pronounced when they are in a restaurant. And for all the parents out there I'm going to show you some of the things that you do that seems a little off to us.

Parents drill into their kids heads not to talk to strangers. From an early age kids are told that talking to strangers can be dangerous. Children should be seen and not heard. But as soon as a child is old enough to speak parents seem to want to show that off. If your child is told repeatedly not to talk to strangers and you tell your child to tell the nice man (or woman) (your server, who your child has never met) what they want, of course they aren't going to speak. I'm a stranger and only there are good strangers and bad strangers, your child doesn't know which one I am and of course is going to be shy around me. Save all of us time and just order for your child.

Manners are important in a civilized culture. And children are taught from an early age to use "Please" and Thank You" went they want something. This is great but sometimes they forget, it happens. And although its great that you are gently reminding them about the use of their manners, please don't forget your own. Alot of the time ten seconds after parents remind their child (who may have ild to use Please and Thank You, the parent will order and not say Please and Thank You. Children learn by example and you've just shown that you don't practice what you preach.

I always try to make sure that any kids at the table get their food before the adults so that the adults can start the feeeding process. Kids sometimes eat slower then the adults and usually the parents appreciate this but remember that parenting is still your job. If your child is done and you still are eating you still have to parent. At home when your child is done eating they can get up from the table and wander around the familiar surronding of your home. Restaurants are public places and if you allow your child to wander they will disturb other guests or possibly get hurt by being underfoot. Or the other side of that coin, if they are forced to remain seated, the whining and anger starts. And usually its not the kids who are whiny and angry... its the adults. If your child is bored and figetty, don't be stern with them. They are bored. Sometimes you have to be the adult and get what's left of your food to go. Or one of the adults has to entertain the kids.

And of course there is that all important reason why servers aren't usually excited to serve families... Tips are lousy. We understand that its expensive to take your family out to a restaurant. But you made the decision to enter a sit down restaurant. There are plenty of fast food places that you could have eaten at and you chose to eat at a place where you are being served. Don't punish your server who makes less than minimum wage by not tipping them. When we see a family sit down, we're not expecting 20 % for a tip but don't give us 10 % either. You've just had a night out where someone else is responsible for the clean up. Make sure that soneone is rewarded for cleaning up after you.

Restaurants appreciate family's business. If they didn't there wouldn't be a children's menu available. But servers cringe at the idea of serving families. And its not because of the kids. Usually its because of the parents.

But that's just the view from my side of the menu.

Joy, Rapture and my favorite Waiter.

I both love and hate serving other servers. You know unless you cover them in food, you're going to get a decent tip but there's always the chance that you will give only adequate service and feel that you didn't deserve that tip. And of course, if you ever apply for a job at the restaurant they work at, they may give a bad review.

Today I got to serve my favorite waiter. JP works at the Casino and when the Missus and I go see shows at the theatre we usually end up in his section. Today he came in and asked for mine.

After a quick catch-up, I suggested the lunch special and answered with a resounding YES when asked if they should turn the fries to poutine. And within 5 minutes they were eating.

A couple of quick checks on the meal and how things were going and then came bill-time.

Dropped the bill off and did my usual "Cash or credit card you can do right here, debit is up by take out" and headed off to check on my other tables. When I turned I saw that JP and guest were gone but there was money on the table. Thought it was weird that he left without saying goodbye but didn't think too much about it, if you know what I mean.

Went to the table to pick up the cash. The bill totalled 38.14. Sitting on the table were 4 twenties and a ten. I know I give good service but a 120% tip is a little much.

Next time we go to the casino I think I have to give that boy a good talking to..... or a 120 % tip. The game is on....

But that's just the view from my side of the menu.

Joy, Rapture and the Sun Guy

Last Friday I was lucky enough to encounter a rude customer who lead to a story, albeit a short one.

Guy comes in for breakfast (the special) and as soon as he sat down he ordered his breakfast. I pushed in the order, brought his coffee and he said to me : "If you see a Sun, pick it up!" Now I know what he means, but I play a little dumb and say, "Sure, why not?"

"Oh, and bring it to me, wouldcha?" Now people who know me have heard me say more than once "I'm your server, not your servant!" and the odds of me bringing this guy a paper, especially considering the way he asked me, are slight.

But I do bring him his breakfast. Which he eats and about 15 minutes later he asks for the bill. I bring him his bill (total 4.19) and he gives me a 5 and tells me to keep the change. He gets up and starts heading for the door. As he passes the pile of newspapers near the front of the restaurant he spies a copy of the Sun. He picks it up and heads back to his table. "I'm just going to read the paper and finish my coffee," he tells me and proceeds to do so.

Just to let you know, 81 cents does not entitle you to come back and take up a table... The Sun costs a quarter..... buy your own.

But that's just the view from my side of the menu.

Joy, Rapture and Rude Newspaper Guy

Work today reminded me why some people just annoy me lots. If you go into a restaurant and wish to read your paper, ask for a bigger table when you come in.... don't move tables around just because you feel like it.

So guy comes in today and sits at a single table in another server's section. After ordering his food he decided that he wanted a bigger table so he moves the table closest to him. Turns out this table was in my section and made my only 4-top at the window a deuce. I went up and asked him if he would be able to use the table to his right since he was taking up tables in two sections. He looked at me and said: "What's the difference? You have like a 100 tables available and I want to read my paper." I explained that he was taken my only table at the window and if he just used the table on the other side he wouldn't be taking tables in two sections. He looked at me and said maybe I'll just leave then.

"Well, there's no need to do that sir. We'll just move this table instead and you can have a bigger table and keep all the tables in their proper sections."

"I'm feeling like I'm not welcome here. You've ruined my breakfast by doing this," he said to me. "I mean, who is more important? The customer or the waiter?"

"The customer is very important sir, but you can't just take tables away from sections so the waiter in that section isn't able to make money."

I moved the other table over and moved my table back, offered to refill his coffee and went back to check on my other table in my section. I'm sure it seems a little petty but I'm sorry. I do believe that the customer is mostly right, but that they don't have the right to disrupt the restaurant. They can't move furniture just to read their paper. Especially when there are lots of tables around.

But that's just the view from my side of the menu.

Joy, Rapture and I Can't believe I said that... Part 1

Off today but want to keep the flow going so Flashback Time.

A couple of months ago I was working a weekend shift (which is a regular thing for me) and I had a table of 6 people, 3 guys and 3 girls. It was early afternoon on a Sunday so they were mostly having breakfast. I got a nice rapport going with them, refilling coffees before they were desperately needed, joking about this and that and over all being charming. Time came for the bill and I asked: "Will this be all on one bill or six bills or some combination thereof?"... same as I ask every table of 2 or more. They told me that it was separate bills so I went to print them off. Usually when printing multiple bills I tear them off the printer individually but for some reason I let them all print and took them to the table in one long paper. As I approached the table, one of the women said: "Wow, that's really long." and before my internal censor could kick in I replied with a "That's what she said!".

The woman looked at me and said: "Did you 'That's what she said'-ed me?" and I looked her right in the eye and said "Apparently I did! And I'm not sure how that one slipped out." to which she replied: "That's what she said!" I conceited defeated, separated the bills and placed them on the table. Tips were LARGE on that table..... all thanks to a slip of the tongue...!

But that's just the view from my side of the menu.

Joy, Rapture and Non-tippers

Servers make minimum wage. Not the regular minimum wage either, they make Server's Minimum Wage. That's the gouvernment way of saying.... You have a menial job but people are expected to give you a gratuity at the end of your time with them so congratulations.... you are going to make less per hour doing that menial job than every other person out there with a menial job.

So I now have a message for all those people who don't tip their servers.



Open Letter to those people who don't tip:


FUCK YOU


But that's just the view from my side of the menu.

Joy, Rapture and Regulars

The restaurant I work at has a Monday to Friday (excluding Holidays) breakfast special. Breakfast with coffee comes to under 5 bucks. There are a lot of business people who come in for this special and I'm not sure if its on purpose or just plain ignorance but they have a tendency of ticking us off. This is for them.

Open Letter to Breakfast Regulars:

First I would like to say Thank You. Thank you for choosing our restaurant to spend your money at, but there may be something that you don't realize and when I tell you this, I'm not doing it to be insulting or rude. Sometimes we don't see that we are acting a certain way unless someone points it out so I thought I would shine a light in that direction today.

I understand that you are there almost every day (well, almost every morning.... when the special is available..... you know, when the breakfast is cheap) but you can't just walk past a line of people waiting to be sat and seat yourself because you're a regular. For all you know some of the people you butted in front of in line could be regulars as well, they're just being polite and allowing the hostess to seat them where she knows they will be served quickly.

Just because we try to give you a menu, please don't be offended. I know you have the exact same thing every single day that you eat at the Restaurant but occasionally we have new staff that don't know you. Or maybe this is the morning you want to break out of the routine and order something different. The world won't end if you have pancakes this morning instead of eggs and bacon.

When someone comes up to you and says "Good Morning!" the proper response is "Good Morning!" not, "Coffee!", "I'll have the Special." or silence. I understand that you feel you are more important than your server. After all you have a job in a big old office and we are just menial labourers who bring you your food but if we grunted and responded at you the way you do at us you would complain to our bosses about our attitude and tip us less because you thought we were rude.

Speaking of tipping.... breakfast is the one meal of the day where a 15% tip might not be enough. During lunch or dinner, your server is at your table a total of maybe 6 times. Once to get your drink order, once to get your food order, once to deliver your food, one or two qualilty checks and finally to ask for dessert and deliver a bill. During the quality checks they may refill drinks or grab you something that is missing, a condiment or such. And when its done, they are rewarded with a tip that is usually at least 15% of the meal.

During breakfast, a meal that when you get the Special costs under 5 bucks with tax your server is at your table at least 10 times. Plus since most people always down their first cup of coffee so the server may have to refill the coffee at least once before the food arrives and once more when the food arrives. And after multiple trips, some sparked by you waving from across the room and shaking your coffee cup at your server or (my personal favorite) by you getting up and interrupting your server while they are at another table taking someone's order because your cup is empty and you can't wait two minutes for more coffee, you reward the server with a 15% tip. 15% of a bill that is under 5 bucks is less than a buck. Usually its around 83 cents. Kids in sweatshops make more than 83 cents and take less abuse than your breakfast server does.

Or worse than that is when you decide that even after your server made 5 trips to your table for coffee refills and you lingered enjoying your last few sips because you had time (and hogging the table so your server loses the chance to turn it and make more money) you didn't like the way the eggs were cooked or the bacon was too crispy or not crispy enough. And while the service was fine, you feel you must protest so you don't tip your server. So now they are worse than the kids in the sweatshop. They are now your slaves.

Finally, sometimes when your regular server isn't there, you have to be served by someone else. And I know that Judy knows what you have in the morning and just sends it to the kitchen when you walk through the door, but Judy isn't here today and you should also know what you have in the morning for breakfast.... you are able to tell me too. Please don't let it ruin your day. Change doesn't have to be bad.

But that's just the view from my side of the menu.

Joy, Rapture and Drunk Guy

I work at a restaurant in downtown Ottawa, ON, Canada. Lots of tourists, lots of business people and occasionally, like this morning, lots of drunks.

My morning started off wonderfully today. Had someone come up to me and ask if I knew there was a drunk guy passed out near the washrooms. My response was: "No. Something like that I try to deal with right away." I went up to the washrooms and saw the guy, mostly passed out and smelling of Listerine, urine and I'm pretty sure feces. On top of the payphone is an empty bottle of Listerine and on the floor below is the guy and he can barely move. I call the cops from my cellphone and they ask me to give a brief description of the guy. They then tell me that someone will be right over (we are located about 6 blocks away from the Police Station).

At this point I should be serving tables and making tips but my customers are sitting one story down and in the care of my co-worker. Drunky McMouthwash lifts his head and tells me that he's just going to lie here for a little longer. I inform him that the cops are on their way and he tells me not to call the cops. My response is: "Sorry, already have." and he tells me that I'm a prick. He calls me a prick twice more and then tells me that he didn't mean it.

I'm fairly sure that if someone calls you a prick three times in one conversation, he means it.

The cops arrive and they take him away. I go downstairs and see my customers. One is annoyed that I disappeared and tips me a dollar for two breakfasts. Luckily only had three tables at the time so didn't lose too much money because of this guy.

Sidenote: When the cops arrived, they must have recognized the guy because they asked where his Listerine bottle was. Apparently cops get regulars too.